Brooklyn, The Borough: Ikea's Benevolent Despotism
On a recent warm summer evening, two young professional couples sat idly chatting before a performance of Hamlet at Central Park's Delacorte Theater.
"Have you been to the new Ikea in Red Hook?" one of the young men asked his companions, receiving a chorus of "no, not yet!" in response.
On came a list of household items wanted, but not necessarily needed. "I was a bit worried about getting everything home on the ferry," one young lady said.
"I can help you," said her male companion.
With the opening of Ikea Brooklyn on June 18, no longer is a trip to Elizabeth, N.J., a staple of New York residential life; instead, it's a ferry or bus ride to the faded industrial port of Red Hook. If every other reason for Manhattanites to come to Brooklyn has eluded them, their consumer interests will get the best of them. The retailer is even banking that the branding of Ikea Brooklyn – the only Ikea to use the name of a municipality – will allow consumers to presume something about the place if only that – phew – it 's not New Jersey!
Brooklynites like to champion a certain lifestyle, and a benign Swedish home design company helps us furnish our lives, build our own gadgets and feel good about the company's socially conscious ways. Cue smugness.
After all, Red Hook residents got the first crack at employment at Ikea Brooklyn, and though it feels like this monstrous blue box should prove more menacing in our greedy capitalist world, it's not. (What other store would tell you that if you shlep home your purchases yourself, you'll save money on delivery costs?) The store presents its wares in small furnished rooms along a path that runs through the store. Rooms sized at 375 square feet and 590 square feet are marketed to the New Yorker living in a closet.
Small signs on the piers behind the store tell the story of the Red Hook industrial port, allowing visitors to walk along where huge cranes, which at one time lifted shipping containers from visiting ships, still stand as a testament to Brooklyn's history and culture. Unfortunately, a trip to Ikea might not extend to a trip to, say, the Brooklyn Museum or to the Brooklyn Academy of Music. Ikea is perfectly situated to attract consumers to the store, but not force them to actually deal with Brooklyn.
A ferry drops consumers off at the store's waterfront port, or buses pick them up from nearby transportation hubs. Indeed, a Manhattanite's dream. What if those last remaining anti-Brooklyn elitists should have to see Brooklyn's beautiful nooks and crannies, our easygoing lifestyle and our gorgeous parks and cutting-edge cultural institutions? They might be forced to contend with the fact that Ikea isn't the only thing Brooklyn has on Manhattan.
I took a bike ride down to Red Hook to see it for myself. It was Sunday, and rain fell intermittently. Red Hook feels detached from the rest of Brooklyn thanks to the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway and the entrance to the Battery Tunnel. The neighborhood often feels like its own little waterfront mecca, where neighbors are friendly and at times hostile to the outside world that had seemingly cut them off - until now.
The hostility of Ikea consumers was apparent. (It reminded me of the time two friends and I argued with a woman standing in a parking spot at Ikea in Long Island.) The long, crowded path through the store, followed by the overwhelming marketplace, a search through a warehouse, and a long checkout line easily compounded consumers' frustration. Beware of the box stores to come, Red Hook! Remember that axiom of New York life: Don't get in my way.
"Oh my God, there must be 5,000 people in there, it's crazy!" screeched an elderly lady, dressed all in black and topped by a baseball cap, into her cell phone as she made her way out of the store into the damp parking lot.
"She thinks she should be the only one in the store," said a middle-aged man mocking her complaining tone. "Maybe she should go to Long Island or New Jersey."
151 Central Park West
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puke.
Fined for improper asbestos removal. Founded and controlled by a Nazi. Filled false police reports. Hides profits under Dutch "non-profit" ownership. Destroyed not just historical buildings, but historical records. Promoted racial divide in Red Hook. All this is readily available information.
Enjoy your meatballs, but let's drop the word 'benign,' shall we. And do some research.
Israel has forgiven him why can't you. get over it already. Its there. Its not bad. yes its crowded. Its NY City for goodness sake. Like nothing else is crowded in NY. Do you own research. Is any building built in NY without being fined? Clearly anonymity allows you to make with impunity unfounded attacks.
Its not going any where.
Just because it's not going anywhere at the moment doesn't mean the methods they used to get it built in the neighborhood are acceptable, let alone that they fit with their image as a so-called conscientious corporation.
I hate Ikea and all the hipsters that go there !
I think I need to move out of N.Y.C.
go ahead and move!! more borks and bjorns for me!
go ahead and move!! more borks and bjorns for me!
yeah, und midgets!
despite the lure of the blue & gold box, nothing is as satisfying as taking out a tape measure, purchasing some lumber from your local lumber yard (if you live in brooklyn, there is one nearby whose name does not contain Lowe or Depot), and building your own custom furniture. try it. your furniture will be sturdier, more affordable, uniquer (wow, that passed my spell check feature), and you won't wonder if your loft bed is made of discarded Swedish toothpicks. save face, a buck, and the lines. but what do i know? i just like playing with wood. (t.w.s.s.)
:)To 5:12:
My "attacks" are not unfounded - they are supported by media outlets from The Economist to The NY Post to local media like the Brooklyn Courier. The point is not whether it is good or bad that IKEA is here. The point is that hacks get paid to use words properly, and a word like "benign" does not describe IKEA. Get it?
I am sure your Mom went through a lot of work getting you here, please if not for us then for her get a fucking life already PLEASE.
Who cares. You're all idiots for responding.
As more suburbanites move back to metro areas due to high energy costs, they want the amenities they had in the outer belts. Guess what NYC is going to look like in 2020?
Ever been to Plano, Tx (Dallas);
Orange county, CA;
Fishers, IN (Indy);
etc, etc.
Ikea drives it's customers from the subway through my neighborhood in a very environmentally unfriendly old bus that spews diesel fumes all over the place. This is just one more reason why Ikea is far from benign.
HAHAHAHA disregard that, I suck cocks.
I live on 22nd St in Brooklyn, and looking West down the slope of my street, I am able to see the Statue of Liberty. And now, as of June 18, I am able to see Lady Liberty next to a giant IKEA sign. While I know the spectacular view of the statue was never really mine, it was part of my daily commute, and I really hope that IKEA might reconsider their choice of signage; it's a giant blue building with all roads leading to it. Does it really need to advertise directly in line with our views of NYC? It really is quite obnoxious. And if anyone tells me to quit whining and get used to it, they should try imagining a beautiful image from their nightly commute plastered with the word IKEA!
I live nearish to 22nd st and biked to said Ikea today.
Yup, Ikea. The way more important thing to note is when the hell are the vendors at the Red Hook Ballfields going to start serving up tasty horchatas and pupusas and huaraches again
When?
By the way, I would like to state that this column has never been more necessary. I think that the internet has been clamoring for more blogs written by highly educated and perhaps moneyed white people telling us about their super interesting and crazy experiences living in Brooklyn.
There simply aren't enough blogs by people who went to Brown or Vassar or some such school talking about how Bed-Stuy's architecture is interesting or why more things need to be near the Brooklyn Museum.
More information about bike rides in Cobble Hill, please!
Is Bushwick the new Williamsburg? It's a question that needs to be asked.
I look forward to more columns about the white gentrification of Prospect Heights east of Vanderbilt and how the neighborhood is up and coming but needs more amenities for people.
The self-obsession of white people in Brooklyn is remarkable. Just live here and shut the fuck up about your own gentrification process. You even wrote in another column about how you want "nice" bars and restaurants in your "emerging" neighborhood. Like a cool punk-y dive bar that obliterates people who have run businesses or been there for years.
Your column I think can come off real condescending as fuck to people in Prospect Heights who have been here for tons of years before you.
"Prospect Heights on The Cusp of Change". Are you fucking kidding? I lived there two years ago for a year (for I am a white hipster type I guess, whatever that is or means anyway) and it seemed to be a neighborhood that was really changing then with white people coming into a neighborhood that was mostly black/west indian/whatever not-white is.
Your columns break no news about anything except to yourself.
"With Vanderbilt Avenue nearby for nightlife and three major train lines surrounding it – the Q/B, C and 2/3 – Washington Avenue is just on the verge of become one of Brooklyn's most appealing strips".
To who? You? Is it not appealing enough to you right now? Tom's and a few caribbean places is soooo lame, right?
Just one example.
Stop writing about a neighborhood you barely know anything about. Leave it to someone else who could write it better than you.
The writing in this column is pretty interesting at times. The "Parenthood" article was a fresh and original idea.
(going against the cynical wave of "fuck Park Slope and all the kids and their precious yuppie parents striving to get them into Berkeley Carroll".
I don't know, man.