Mad About the Man
What Do Women Really Want? Mad Men’s Don Draper, He’s the Man in the Gray Flannel Suit With a Package! Whining About Stepford Dads: ‘It’s Not Terribly Erotic’
"Don Draper is every Park Slope mom’s fantasy,” said Paula Bernstein, a 40-year-old author who lives in Brooklyn with her husband, a video editor, and their two children. “The fact that he is so emotionally withholding and mysterious is frustrating, but women are intrigued by men like that, and as much as they say they want a sensitive guy who’s going to let it all hang out, there is an appeal to a man with secrets.”
Ms. Bernstein was speaking about the darkly compelling protagonist of Matthew Weiner’s 1960s advertising drama Mad Men, which airs every Sunday on AMC, transporting scores of New York women into a haze of longing for an era they never knew and a type of man to whom they definitely aren’t married. Who, in fact, may no longer exist.
Don Draper is a bastard, most of these women will concede. He cheats on his pre-Friedan-ized wife, Betty, going through mistresses like packs of Lucky Strike cigarettes. He is stoic, handsome, emotionally stunted. “Obviously, he’s physically attractive, but his lack of conscience is upsetting,” said Megan Donis, 34, a television producer who lives in Fort Greene.
But he also reminds us of a time before suits were replaced by messenger bags and Converse sneakers. Before hairless chests and Cialis; before men knew pop-psychology phrases like “displaced anger” and “defense mechanisms” and talked about how their parents fucked them up; before Dr. Phil; before dads posted photos of themselves with their babies on their Facebook pages; before paternity leaves—there were men like Don Draper.
“If you just compare him, to, say, Patrick Dempsey on Grey’s Anatomy, Dr. McDreamy comes off as a whiny little sensitive bitch,” said Lindsay Robertson, 31, a co-editor of Videogum.com, resident of Carroll Gardens and a self-described member of the “Draper estrogen brigade.”
“I don’t think most women would want to go back to a time where someone like Don Draper could exist,” continued Ms. Robertson, who is unmarried, “and Betty’s life is clearly a nightmare”—compartmentalized in her husband’s cabinet of secrets, the character, played by January Jones, seems to be getting closer and closer to a crackup—“but he has a kind of effortless masculinity and swagger that sets him apart from our other TV crush options.”
The consensus is that outside of DVRs, Don Drapers have gone extinct, traded in for the Stepford Husbands—stay-at-home dads or SAHDs as the indeed sad acronym goes—that crowd the aisles of Whole Foods and the mats of Gymboree; men who recognize themselves in potential First Fellow Todd Palin: contentedly smiling and clutching a baby while his wife hurtles herself toward the vice presidency.
‘I GLAZED OVER’
In suburbia-inflected Park Slope, scores of such Stepford Husbands can be found roughhousing with their toddlers at the playground, hoisting strollers up brownstone steps or putting together a nice little risotto for dinner.
“In New York, in the age of the metrosexual and all that, especially in neighborhoods like Park Slope or Prospect Heights, it’s not that unusual. In fact, it’s pretty accepted,” said Timothy Spence, 39, who lives in Prospect Heights and stays home with a 2-year-old daughter while his wife works in Manhattan as a graphic designer. “There just aren’t those issues of masculinity.” Next Page >
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Don Draper's charm is inextricably tied to John Ham's beauty. I rememebr that period very well as I'm from New York and was a teenager at the time. All the adult males I knew back then would give their eye teeth to be Don Draper. His business and sexual success were The Dream of that era. What's great about the series is it shows that Dream and the doubts, insecurties and goodness knows what else that lie beneath it. For a fascinating compare/contrast get ahold of a DVD of "The Best of Everything."
So you're saying there are some stupid spoiled bourgeois women who want to have their cake and eat it too? I am flabbergasted. Is this honestly supposed to be a meaningful observation about Modern Life? Or is this just some kind of product placement deal you have with AMC?
Getting Lindsay Robertson to comment about Don Draper was positively inspired. Is she the Bohemian mistress in her Draper estrogen brigade?
While I appreciate a hairy chest, that's as far as my admiration of Don goes. I don't find him attractive at all. I've outgrown the bad boy, brooding man stage. It gets [i]old[/i]. I'm happy to live in a more modern age where the men aren't sexist bastards. They just need to stop waxing.
would these women feel the same way if their lovely, loyal, fidelity-bound, ethically-driven husbands turned into DD? doubt it.
you're talking biology & sexual selection. DD is what's called a "broadcaster". and he's good for procreation and that's about it. so, i will agree with the premise that women want to f*ck with him (more so, chemically, when they are ovulating). sho'nuf! but stop with the glorification and romanticizing of it all.
i'm with miss desmond, above. flabbergasted, indeed.
What I find most interesting about the character of Don Draper is the writers' attempts to show how adults live with modern insecurity and despair on a daily basis. I'm sure the husbands of the Park Slope moms quoted have similar sadnesses...buck up, ladies, your deliciously screwed-up man is right before your eyes.
If you ask me women don't really know what they want. . . sexist? No, experience. "Lay lady lay lay across my big brass bed. . ."
Don't worry girls. There's a whole generation of emotionally unavailable men on the way who've been watching your lapdog husbands and have responded accordingly. We're just a couple of years off.
How is it that every time I find a link to the Observer, it's some crap like this? What do you people do all day?
does anybody really watch this show? besides the women of Park Slope?
To hell with Don Draper.
What happened to the delicious department-store heiress from the first season? (I don't have a TV, but got the dvds from the first season.)
Now there's what every New York man wants: smart, stylish, accomplished, ironic, and a Barnard grad (to boot)!
Ladies, the standard's been set. Get the move on!
Thanks for the tip!
But even as men proclaim themselves happy homemakers . . . their wives express ambivalence. “You appreciate a stay-at-home dad—as feminists . . . but it’s not terribly erotic.”
I want all you male feminists to read that again. In other words, she thinks you are weenies. Lesson 1: Don't marry a feminist. Lesson 2: Be a man. Not a Don Draper. A man.
So like, before how far we've come, there were dudes around who liked to screw around on us.
Philoktetes, I think you're off base. Reverse the genders...it's pretty much the same. Surely men also appreciate stay-at-home partners - who doesn't love having their domestic burden lessened? Yet how many men would say that the SAHM wife is an erotic concept? I think the message is, the domestic drudgery of everyday life is not very erotic. Not really news, but hardly an excuse to not share the load.
The message here is simple men: BE A MAN. Stop whining and enough with the self-absorbed therapy already. Cads are back because we've had it up to here with the touchy-feeley shit. If I hear my husband refer to me as his "Partner" one more time I'm gonna mash every tooth in his head!
Any Cads around? Would love to slam a few martini's with you and then slam YOU. My husband has his period tonight.
No offese Ad Chik but, you sound like a linebacker. Very attractive, indeed.
No offese Ad Chik but, you sound like a linebacker. Very attractive, indeed.
We want it all. What's wrong with that?
We've just finished our very own 'Don Draper Era' with the demise of the sociopathic investment bankers, hedge fund managers and other self-absorbed mongrels.
Yes, each week I eagerly slink to watch Don Draper and his merry band of mysogynists... and each week, as the credits role, I feel so depressed and utterly UNFULFILLED by Draper's emptiness and lack of conscience! I feel DIRTY... in need of a shower (and not from a great sexcapade with DonBoy!)
Don't you ladies see that Don is steeped with his Narcissistic Personality Disorder? He's Toxic and empty. A damn gorgeous package of hollow chocolate. Just imagine how you'd feel after that incredible sex-romp with DonnyBaby. Would one night be worth it? A lifetime with an empty shell?
I'll pass thank you very much.
I was recently discussing Don Draper's badassedness with a twenty something friend of mine who works in politics adn is a big fan of the show. I asked first who would win in a fight Don Draper or Detective stabler from Law and Order: SVU? the answer Don Draper in a landslide. I then asked who would win in a fight Don Draper vs. McNolty from the Wire? the stipulation was made that both would have to be wasted. Don Draper won becasue ti was thought McNolte might start crying whether or not he won the fight. After a number of other attempts it was determined that only John McClain but only in Die Hard 1 has the fortitude to defeat Don Draper in Hand to hand combat. It was the no shoes steppign on shattered glass scene that pushed him over the top.
Don Draper as the stereotypical chauvanist pig of the 60's? Let's examine this:
He promotes and actively helps Peggy go from secretary to copy writer, unheard of in the time, and specifically in that office.
He freely financially supports the wife of the man whose name he assumed. He's not sleeping with her nor is there any remote sense of hanky panky between them.
He chides his co-workers, underlings, and superiors for their chauvanistic remarks, childish behavior, and lack of honor.
He tries to understand what motivates people, and consistently attempts to appeal to their better selves with his advertising. He does not resort to the lazy, "sex sells" sort of ads that are suggested to him by his less talented co-workers.
He treats people (secretaries, elevator operators, drunks, CEOs) with respect unless they prove they don't deserve it.
I understand that people would like to pigeonhole this complex character as some sort of prototypical misogynistic man of the 60's, but you're way off the mark. If you've seen the show (which I doubt many of the commenters I've seen here have), and you don't realize that he's not the American version of James Bond, then you're clearly missing the subtext (and for that matter the text) of the show.
Don Draper as the stereotypical chauvanist pig of the 60's? Let's examine this:
He promotes and actively helps Peggy go from secretary to copy writer, unheard of in the time, and specifically in that office.
He freely financially supports the wife of the man whose name he assumed. He's not sleeping with her nor is there any remote sense of hanky panky between them.
He chides his co-workers, underlings, and superiors for their chauvanistic remarks, childish behavior, and lack of honor.
He tries to understand what motivates people, and consistently attempts to appeal to their better selves with his advertising. He does not resort to the lazy, "sex sells" sort of ads that are suggested to him by his less talented co-workers.
He treats people (secretaries, elevator operators, drunks, CEOs) with respect unless they prove they don't deserve it.
I understand that people would like to pigeonhole this complex character as some sort of prototypical misogynistic man of the 60's, but you're way off the mark. If you've seen the show (which I doubt many of the commenters I've seen here have), and you don't realize that he's not the American version of James Bond, then you're clearly missing the subtext (and for that matter the text) of the show.
thewiseking (not verified) says:
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The library just called, you left your Harry Potter cap at the reference desk again.
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Does nobody understand the difference between fantasy and reality any more? These are NY women - I'm sure they've met their fair share of Don Drapers... and obviously ran a mile from them. But as fantasy? Sure.
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